DO YOU HAVE AN effective strategy for conflict resolution in the workplace? Whether it's with co-workers, employees, your boss or clients, most professionals shy away from dealing with conflict head-on. That's understandable because it can be uncomfortable and even cause extreme anxiety.
But unresolved issues take up a lot of time and energy. Research shows that the large majority of all difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees, not from deficits in individual employees' skill or motivation, according to the Association for Psychological Type. That means managers have to spend a significant proportion of their time dealing with conflict at work.
Office disagreements are unavoidable, whether because of slightly strained relationships or toxic environments poisoned by bullying and sexual harassment. Coaching skills can help you resolve some tough interpersonal problems and improve work relationships overall.
1. Designing the Relationship
Designing the relationship means creating an agreement with a co-worker or employee to work together more effectively. This includes establishing guidelines for communicating, accomplishing tasks and having meetings. This also includes setting boundaries and determining how to handle feedback and disagreements up front. Talking about work problems openly, when things are calm and stable, will enable you to handle the difficult times during the relationship.
To start, think about what makes you more willing to be open in a professional relationship. These elements may include trust, respect or mutual vulnerability (in a way that is reasonable for a professional setting). Identify which of these three areas you struggle with and develop relevant action items for the next month.
For example, a fellow co-worker or employee may feel more open if you allow him the opportunity to express himself first regarding a project or a task before you tell him your thoughts.
Next, create a checklist to work through with your co-worker, employee or client that includes the following:
- Objectives/tasks you need to achieve.
- Roles you should each play in your relationship based on your strengths.
- Challenges you have encountered previously and may encounter again, and how to handle them going forward.
- Milestones you need to achieve for your project or task.
- Ground rules for meetings and communication.
Finally, think about what the difficult employee or co-worker may need. Generally, we need to feel trust, compassion, stability and hope in our professional relationships. If you can pinpoint what quality the person needs more of, this could help you prevent conflict at work.
These steps to design the relationship empower each person to take responsibility and establish clear boundaries for positive collaboration.
2. Active Listening
Everything in the workplace involves communication, which is critical for efficiency and effectiveness. However, not everyone naturally knows how to listen well.
There are three levels of listening:
- Internal listening: You're paying attention to your own inner voice, opinion, judgment and needs. For example, "That sounds hard" or "I'm hungry." This also includes thinking about what you want to say next.
- Focused listening: You're focusing on the other person. This means not only listening to each word but also being aware of non-verbal communication and nuances.
- Global listening: You're focusing on the energy and tone between you and your conversation partner and are aware of shifts in attitude.
To incorporate all of these levels of listening when managing conflict in the workplace, first set the tone of the conversation. Let your employee or co-worker know you want to talk about a touchy subject. Ask for permission to discuss the issue. Then, be quiet and calm and go through the problem slowly. Try asking questions rather than giving advice. Notice how that changes the tone of the conversation.
Try to reduce your internal listening and develop your focused listening skills. What is your co-worker not saying that you might miss? What has she been saying that you've missed so far?
To improve your listening skills, have a close friend or family member describe a problem with which he or she is struggling. Then, reflect what he or she says and paraphrase without asking questions or giving advice. This exercise will train you to be a better listener.
Make a commitment today to begin more active listening tomorrow. Also, develop a plan to adjust the relationship agreements you have with a co-worker if the current tone and boundaries aren't working.